5 Songs You Probably Don't Actually Want Sung To You

An often idealized and/or romanticized thought is that of being serenaded by someone who loves you and, hopefully, you love in return. It happens in movies, books, and approximately 14.2% of daydreams (although this number increases dramatically in the few days immediately following the attendance of most live music shows). Obviously, in these situations, song choice is key. Having someone rap "Baby Got Back," while I'm sure is thoughtful, is not really what most people picture when they imagine being serenaded. Some songs however, sneakily hide behind their lovely sounding melody and tune, trying to sneak themselves into some poor serenader's repertoire. And so I present to you, in no particular order, 5 Songs You Probably Don't Actually Want Sung To You.

#1. Landslide (Stevie Knicks/Fleetwood Mac, The Dixie Chicks)

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I'm getting older too
Oh, I'm getting older too

I love this song. God, I love this song. But this song is actually kinda sad. Sometimes things don't work out, time passes, and you need to move on. A lovely song with heartfelt meaning, but not exactly the kind you'd like sung to you.


#2. I Don't Want To Miss A Thing (Aerosmith)

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

This is a not-too-subtle love song, crooned by Steven Tyler and his huge mouth. While at first you might think "Awww, that's so sweet," if you actually listen to the lyrics, this is one creepy-ass song. Despite what Twilight wants you to think, people watching you sleep is not romantic. It's uncomfortable. And if you miss someone while they sleep, maybe you should talk about boundaries. And their clinginess. Just maybe.

#3. I Can't Make You Love Me (Bonnie Rait, Bon Iver)

'Cause I can't make you love me, darling
If you don't
You can't make your heart feel
Something it won't

Obviously, I would let Justin Vernon sing this song to me anytime, anywhere. In fact, I would pay many dollars for him to sing this to me. I've accepted the fact that we'll never be together, so I think I could handle it. However, if anyone else sang this to me, I'd feel a little different. This is probably the most beautiful sounding song I know, but it's not exactly a predicting a happy ending. Also, guilt trip much?

#4. Baby (Justin Bieber)

(I'm pretty sure this was in the midst of his voice breaking. Hehehe.)

Baby, baby, baby oooh
Like baby, baby, baby nooo
Like baby, baby, baby oooh
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

I'm not gunna lie... I like this song. It has more than 130 plays on my iTunes. But the reasons that this is not a good song to serenade someone with are threefold:
1) The lyrics. If someone is going to serenade you, it'd be nice if they put the effort into a song with slightly more advanced lyrics.
2) If someone thinks that singing a song that was put out by a 15 year old is a good idea, maybe you should rethink your whole "dating a high school kid" thing. Unless you are in high school. Still, maybe reconsider.
3) If you actually pay attention to the lyrics, it's about how the Biebs' "first love broke [his] heart for the first time." So yeah, this is secretly a break-up song, hidden behind catchy choruses and happy sounding instrumentals. (Now if someone sings it to you after you dumped them.... no. Still no.)

#5. It Ain't Me Babe (Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, Johnny Cash and June Carter)

You say you’re lookin’ for someone
Who will promise never to part
Someone to close his eyes for you
Someone to close his heart
Someone who will die for you an’ more
But it ain’t me, babe
No, no, no, it ain’t me, babe
It ain’t me you’re lookin’ for, babe

I freaking love this song, but if someone sings this to you, I'm 90% sure you are in the process of being dumped. Sorry bro.

Do you have any other not-so-nice serenade songs? Any really good songs to have sung to you? Does anyone actually still serenade people in this day and age? Let me know it the comments!

Web comics

I'm a big fan of web comics. In the past years, they've gained popularity, growing larger and larger fan bases, all over the internet. What I think makes web comics different than, say, the comics you read in the newspaper, is that (at least to begin with) they are made completely independently of editors, publishers, etc. Pretty much any web comic was started because the author(s) wanted to share their work, not because they were looking to make money. Sure, some web comics evolve into full time jobs, but it's a slow process, something that comes after a lot of hard work, effort, and patience. The beauty of the internet, however, makes it possible for anyone to publish their work, by themselves, for free, and share it with the world. This gives the creator a certain type of freedom and anonymity that just doesn't exist in print media. There are literally countless different web comics out there, but here are a few of my favorites:

XKCD
Stick figure + nerdy jokes = lulz. My all time favorite xkcd strip? This one right here:

-If you've ever taken a physics class, you'll understand why.

Cyanide and Happiness
Where no subject is taboo, no offensive act left untouched, and no crude act left behind.... there is Cyanide and Happiness. As Wikipedia says, "Frequent topics of humor include disabilities, terrorism, rape, cancer, murder, necrophilia, pedophilia, sexual deviancy, sexually transmitted diseases, suicide, eating disorders, abortion and vehicular manslaughter." You feel kinda bad laughing, but usually it's just weirdly funny. Here's a not-so-crude one:

Poorly Drawn Lines
I just found out about this one a few days ago. Here's the comic that introduced me:

Ain't. No. One.

Three Word Phrase
When this one is funny, it's really funny. When it's not... it's okay.

Psychology jokes, hehehe.

And finally...
Hyperbole and a Half
This is more of a blog-web comic type thing, with illustrated stories and things. The first comic/story (at this time) is not the happiest one, but it still manages to tell a solid story, while illustrating it awesomely, with essentially microsoft paint. Last year, I plowed through every single post in the span of a few days, and probably at least 50% of them made me laugh out loud. While she hasn't been posting much lately, I highly suggest checking this blog out. It is hilarious. Here's one of her older ones, which tells the tale of how she accidentally poisoned herself while running:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2009/07/i-finally-got-to-call-poison-control.html 
 

Johnny Cash, etc

The first time I ever heard Johnny Cash's music (I think) was in 2005, when the movie about his life, "Walk The Line," came out. I guess I would have been about 12? I liked his music then, but I've grown more and more fond of it as time goes by. "Ring of Fire" is one of the main songs in Tony Hawk Underground 2, which I used to play (a lot), and "A Boy Named Sue," was written by Shel Silverstein, a poet whose book "Where The Sidewalk Ends," I read many many times when I was little. Also, my friend Jacob's version of "Hurt" has become a staple song at my family campfires at Hornby Island every summer. Recently though, I've found that there is no better way to start your day than some good ol' Johnny Cash singing "Get Rhythm." Seriously.
Johnny Cash- Get Rhythm


And here are two other folksy-ish music I've been listening to lately:
Joy Kills Sorrow (I've mentioned these guys before, after I saw them at the Vancouver Folk Fest this summer. I can't help but bring them up again- their lead singer's voice is ridiculous)
Lauren Mann and the Fairly Odd Folk (These guys played at student dinner last week- I quite enjoyed them)

I Am Seuss

 According to my sister, I sometimes look like a Dr. Seuss character. This comment made me weirdly happy.

I think I have my next Halloween costume.

Walk Off The Earth

YouTube is a really great thing. It shares things across the world, creates communities, and provides endless hours of entertainment. It's also a great place to discover new music. Recently a group called Walk Off The Earth did a cover of Goyte's song "Somebody That I Used To Know." It went viral, and it's not hard to see why. After seeing this video, I checked out some of their other songs. They do both covers and original songs, and they're awesome. As of today, the "Somebody That I Used To Know" video has 34.5 million views. It was posted less than 3 weeks ago. Check it out:


Some of my other favorite's by these guys are a kick-ass version of Adele's "Someone Like You," and Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory."

Snow in North Van

This last weekend, I made the trek back to North Van. The trip was mainly to meet my new kitty (see my previous post), but it was a particularly nice visit in all other aspects as well. It's always nice to see my friends and family back in North Van, and I had a lovely weekend of hanging out and watching movies and chatting with them in the comfort of the man-cave that is my basement in North Van. I also brought one of my roommates along with me, which was nice. She's from Saskatchewan, and had never been to North Van before. She loved it. Not only was she pleasantly surprised to see how warm, nice, and welcoming everyone was, but she was amazing by the mountains and big trees and overall prettiness of my home city. I'll be the first to admit it, sometimes I take North Van for granted. Although we were only there for a short time, seeing it with someone who was experiencing it for the first time gave me a warm fuzzy feeling of appreciation for the place I've lived basically my whole life. We even had a little bit of snow! Here are a few photos of a walk we took down to Twin Bridges (all photo cred goes to Laura!):

View down my street

End of Hyannis

Me and Chels. I look like a bear/boy because all my clothes were in the wash.

BESTIE.

No doubt about it, I love BC.

Kitty

I met my new kitty Charlie Rosie last weekend. She's adorable as all hell, and I miss her already lots now that I'm back in Victoria. Here are a bunch of pictures for people who like cute things (hi mom!)

D'AWWW ISN'T SHE PRECIOUS

Childish Gambino

Is there anything Donald Glover can't do?

"Donald McKinley Glover^[1] (born September 25, 1983) is an American actor, writer, comedian, and musician. Glover first came to attention for his work in the sketch group Derrick Comedy, and is best known for his role as community college student Troy Barnes on the NBC comedy series Community. In 2011, Glover signed to Glassnote Records under his stage name Childish Gambino, with whom he released his first studio album entitled Camp on November 15, 2011." -from his wikipedia page

Not only does he write, act, tell jokes, and rap, but he's fucking good at all of it.

This last Christmas, I got my sister his newest album, Camp (she loved it- for a real writer's take on Donald Glover, check out her post about him here). Not even two hours after she'd unwrapped it, once she'd stepped out to do some Christmas day yoga, I snagged it and transferred all the songs onto my laptop. Since then, I've listened to it many times. He's crude, egotistical, and often superficial. However, he's also funny, sometimes thoughtful, and damn good. I think the main thing that sets him apart from many other actors is that he doesn't take his rapping too seriously; he does it because he likes to, and sometimes it seems like he just does it for laughs.

In his lyrics, he constantly uses pop-culture references to his non-rapper self ("Baby, I'm your hero, Donald for Spiderman," "When I wrote for 30 Rock, I was under 25") and to others, oftentimes in the form of a pun ("All I wanted was some more like Ashton," "I'm headin' west like I'm fuckin' blowin' Kanye"). Sometimes, his lyrics are just straight up stupid ("An elephant never forgets, so my dick remembers everythin'"). It's almost like he knows he can get away with saying ridiculous things, just because of who he is.

To be honest, it took a while to be able to listen to his songs without picturing Troy from Community (like, longer than I'd care to admit) rapping. But I've finally (and slightly sadly) separated the two in my head, and continue to listen to Camp, at least in part, almost everyday. The best part of the entire album, for sure, is that after 12 songs of crude language and angry/egotistical sounding rapping, three minutes into the very last song (That Power), it slips into 4 1/2 minute monologue that closes the album. OH MY. Surprise surprise, Donald Glover has a bad-ass, strangely gentle, speaking voice and, as he talks about his ride back from summer camp with the girl he likes at age thirteen, my heart melts a little each time I hear it.  You can listen to it/read this blog post about it here.

"This is on a bus back from camp. I’m thirteen and so are you. Before I left for camp I imagined it would be me and three or four other dudes I hadn’t met yet, running around all summer, getting into trouble. It turned out it would be me and just one girl. That’s you. And we’re still at camp as long as we’re on the bus and not at the pickup point where our parents would be waiting for us. We’re still wearing our orange camp t-shirts. We still smell like pine needles. I like you and you like me and I more-than-like you, but I don’t know if you do or don’t more-than-like me. You’ve never said, so I haven’t been saying anything all summer, content to enjoy the small miracle of a girl choosing to talk to me and choosing to do so again the next day and so on. A girl who’s smart and funny and who, if I say something dumb for a laugh, is willing to say something two or three times as dumb to make me laugh, but who also gets weird and wise sometimes in a way I could never be. A girl who reads books that no one’s assigned to her, whose curly brown hair has a line running through it from where she put a tie to hold it up while it was still wet

Back in the real world we don’t go to the same school, and unless one of our families moves to a dramatically different neighborhood, we won’t go to the same high school. So, this is kind of it for us. Unless I say something. And it might especially be it for us if I actually do say something. The sun’s gone down and the bus is quiet. A lot of kids are asleep. We’re talking in whispers about a tree we saw at a rest stop that looks like a kid we know. And then I’m like, “Can I tell you something?” And all of a sudden I’m telling you. And I keep telling you and it all comes out of me and it keeps coming and your face is there and gone and there and gone as we pass underneath the orange lamps that line the sides of the highway. And there’s no expression on it. And I think just after a point I’m just talking to lengthen the time where we live in a world where you haven’t said “yes” or “no” yet. And regrettably I end up using the word “destiny.” I don’t remember in what context. Doesn’t matter. Before long I’m out of stuff to say and you smile and say, “okay.” I don’t know exactly what you mean by it, but it seems vaguely positive and I would leave in order not to spoil the moment, but there’s nowhere to go because we’re are on a bus. So I pretend like I’m asleep and before long, I really am

I wake up, the bus isn’t moving anymore. The domed lights that line the center aisle are all on. I turn and you’re not there. Then again a lot of kids aren’t in their seats anymore. We’re parked at the pick-up point, which is in the parking lot of a Methodist church. The bus is half empty. You might be in your dad’s car by now, your bags and things piled high in the trunk. The girls in the back of the bus are shrieking and laughing and taking their sweet time disembarking as I swing my legs out into the aisle to get up off the bus, just as one of them reaches my row. It used to be our row, on our way off. It’s Michelle, a girl who got suspended from third grade for a week after throwing rocks at my head. Adolescence is doing her a ton of favors body-wise. She stops and looks down at me. And her head is blasted from behind by the dome light, so I can’t really see her face, but I can see her smile. And she says one word: “destiny.” Then her and the girls clogging the aisles behind her all laugh and then she turns and leads them off the bus. I didn’t know you were friends with them

I find my dad in the parking lot. He drives me back to our house and camp is over. So is summer, even though there’s two weeks until school starts. This isn’t a story about how girls are evil or how love is bad, this is a story about how I learned something and I’m not saying this thing is true or not, I’m just saying it’s what I learned. I told you something. It was just for you and you told everybody. So I learned cut out the middle man, make it all for everybody, always. Everybody can’t turn around and tell everybody, everybody already knows, I told them. But this means there isn’t a place in my life for you or someone like you. Is it sad? Sure. But it’s a sadness I chose. I wish I could say this was a story about how I got on the bus a boy and got off a man more cynical, hardened, and mature and shit. But that’s not true. The truth is I got on the bus a boy. And I never got off the bus. I still haven’t  ."