5 Songs You Probably Don't Actually Want Sung To You

An often idealized and/or romanticized thought is that of being serenaded by someone who loves you and, hopefully, you love in return. It happens in movies, books, and approximately 14.2% of daydreams (although this number increases dramatically in the few days immediately following the attendance of most live music shows). Obviously, in these situations, song choice is key. Having someone rap "Baby Got Back," while I'm sure is thoughtful, is not really what most people picture when they imagine being serenaded. Some songs however, sneakily hide behind their lovely sounding melody and tune, trying to sneak themselves into some poor serenader's repertoire. And so I present to you, in no particular order, 5 Songs You Probably Don't Actually Want Sung To You.

#1. Landslide (Stevie Knicks/Fleetwood Mac, The Dixie Chicks)

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I'm getting older too
Oh, I'm getting older too

I love this song. God, I love this song. But this song is actually kinda sad. Sometimes things don't work out, time passes, and you need to move on. A lovely song with heartfelt meaning, but not exactly the kind you'd like sung to you.


#2. I Don't Want To Miss A Thing (Aerosmith)

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

This is a not-too-subtle love song, crooned by Steven Tyler and his huge mouth. While at first you might think "Awww, that's so sweet," if you actually listen to the lyrics, this is one creepy-ass song. Despite what Twilight wants you to think, people watching you sleep is not romantic. It's uncomfortable. And if you miss someone while they sleep, maybe you should talk about boundaries. And their clinginess. Just maybe.

#3. I Can't Make You Love Me (Bonnie Rait, Bon Iver)

'Cause I can't make you love me, darling
If you don't
You can't make your heart feel
Something it won't

Obviously, I would let Justin Vernon sing this song to me anytime, anywhere. In fact, I would pay many dollars for him to sing this to me. I've accepted the fact that we'll never be together, so I think I could handle it. However, if anyone else sang this to me, I'd feel a little different. This is probably the most beautiful sounding song I know, but it's not exactly a predicting a happy ending. Also, guilt trip much?

#4. Baby (Justin Bieber)

(I'm pretty sure this was in the midst of his voice breaking. Hehehe.)

Baby, baby, baby oooh
Like baby, baby, baby nooo
Like baby, baby, baby oooh
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

I'm not gunna lie... I like this song. It has more than 130 plays on my iTunes. But the reasons that this is not a good song to serenade someone with are threefold:
1) The lyrics. If someone is going to serenade you, it'd be nice if they put the effort into a song with slightly more advanced lyrics.
2) If someone thinks that singing a song that was put out by a 15 year old is a good idea, maybe you should rethink your whole "dating a high school kid" thing. Unless you are in high school. Still, maybe reconsider.
3) If you actually pay attention to the lyrics, it's about how the Biebs' "first love broke [his] heart for the first time." So yeah, this is secretly a break-up song, hidden behind catchy choruses and happy sounding instrumentals. (Now if someone sings it to you after you dumped them.... no. Still no.)

#5. It Ain't Me Babe (Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, Johnny Cash and June Carter)

You say you’re lookin’ for someone
Who will promise never to part
Someone to close his eyes for you
Someone to close his heart
Someone who will die for you an’ more
But it ain’t me, babe
No, no, no, it ain’t me, babe
It ain’t me you’re lookin’ for, babe

I freaking love this song, but if someone sings this to you, I'm 90% sure you are in the process of being dumped. Sorry bro.

Do you have any other not-so-nice serenade songs? Any really good songs to have sung to you? Does anyone actually still serenade people in this day and age? Let me know it the comments!

Web comics

I'm a big fan of web comics. In the past years, they've gained popularity, growing larger and larger fan bases, all over the internet. What I think makes web comics different than, say, the comics you read in the newspaper, is that (at least to begin with) they are made completely independently of editors, publishers, etc. Pretty much any web comic was started because the author(s) wanted to share their work, not because they were looking to make money. Sure, some web comics evolve into full time jobs, but it's a slow process, something that comes after a lot of hard work, effort, and patience. The beauty of the internet, however, makes it possible for anyone to publish their work, by themselves, for free, and share it with the world. This gives the creator a certain type of freedom and anonymity that just doesn't exist in print media. There are literally countless different web comics out there, but here are a few of my favorites:

XKCD
Stick figure + nerdy jokes = lulz. My all time favorite xkcd strip? This one right here:

-If you've ever taken a physics class, you'll understand why.

Cyanide and Happiness
Where no subject is taboo, no offensive act left untouched, and no crude act left behind.... there is Cyanide and Happiness. As Wikipedia says, "Frequent topics of humor include disabilities, terrorism, rape, cancer, murder, necrophilia, pedophilia, sexual deviancy, sexually transmitted diseases, suicide, eating disorders, abortion and vehicular manslaughter." You feel kinda bad laughing, but usually it's just weirdly funny. Here's a not-so-crude one:

Poorly Drawn Lines
I just found out about this one a few days ago. Here's the comic that introduced me:

Ain't. No. One.

Three Word Phrase
When this one is funny, it's really funny. When it's not... it's okay.

Psychology jokes, hehehe.

And finally...
Hyperbole and a Half
This is more of a blog-web comic type thing, with illustrated stories and things. The first comic/story (at this time) is not the happiest one, but it still manages to tell a solid story, while illustrating it awesomely, with essentially microsoft paint. Last year, I plowed through every single post in the span of a few days, and probably at least 50% of them made me laugh out loud. While she hasn't been posting much lately, I highly suggest checking this blog out. It is hilarious. Here's one of her older ones, which tells the tale of how she accidentally poisoned herself while running:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2009/07/i-finally-got-to-call-poison-control.html 
 

Johnny Cash, etc

The first time I ever heard Johnny Cash's music (I think) was in 2005, when the movie about his life, "Walk The Line," came out. I guess I would have been about 12? I liked his music then, but I've grown more and more fond of it as time goes by. "Ring of Fire" is one of the main songs in Tony Hawk Underground 2, which I used to play (a lot), and "A Boy Named Sue," was written by Shel Silverstein, a poet whose book "Where The Sidewalk Ends," I read many many times when I was little. Also, my friend Jacob's version of "Hurt" has become a staple song at my family campfires at Hornby Island every summer. Recently though, I've found that there is no better way to start your day than some good ol' Johnny Cash singing "Get Rhythm." Seriously.
Johnny Cash- Get Rhythm


And here are two other folksy-ish music I've been listening to lately:
Joy Kills Sorrow (I've mentioned these guys before, after I saw them at the Vancouver Folk Fest this summer. I can't help but bring them up again- their lead singer's voice is ridiculous)
Lauren Mann and the Fairly Odd Folk (These guys played at student dinner last week- I quite enjoyed them)